Am I excited about this prospect?
30? 30? Really?
this is not where I was expecting to be at 30!
When I was little I thought 30 was miles away, I would think that by 30 I'd have my own place, be settled down, hopefully in my dream job... how naive we are when we are young! Little did I know back then that I would be blessed with indecision, never knowing what I really want to do with my life and no drive to make the most of it...(and I'm sure many other characteristics that have lead me to just float through life)
so here I am, frozen on the spot, staring at 30 running towards me with a sneer on her face, with no escape. Getting old, or just ageing in general, has always been a big fear for me and I am definitely struggling to get my head around the fact that I am about to have been on this planet for 30 years!
I am forced to look at my past and question everything! 30 years is a long time! What do I have to show for it? What have I done? What didn't I do? Why did I do that, give up, not try that...?
And then once I've come to terms with the fact that I can't change the past I am stuck with the future. I don't feel like I've grown up enough to be 30. Surely I am meant to be an adult with a load of responsibilities but I still feel like the 20yr old me looking ahead to the next 10 years of her life without a clue in the world!
So many emotions and thoughts going on it's no wonder people go through 'life crises'! Anyone else hit an age and wonder what on earth happened?
At present I am not sure how I am going to move forward with my life but I know one thing for sure, I can't keep regretting that I haven't lived my life, after all this is not a dress rehearsal, there is no going back...
*stuck still in a place of contemplation*